Johannesburg to KwaZulu-Natal – Johannesburg

Joburg is cool. Ya ya, bad rep and gangsters and all that aside, we’re talking about a real rich city here. One that is home to our economy, Africa’s tallest building, the largest acute hospital, busiest airport, largest man-made forest in the world (bet you didn’t know that one), a pygmy hippopotamus, two polar bears and, apparently, electric lions.

Say whaaat? Yip, the Joburg Zoo is an eyeful! I would peg it at just about all of the city’s 10 million trees that make up this leafy nest, which, despite any amount of framing and squinting, stands in stark contrast to the grey towers of ‘Joburg Gen’ overlooking from the hilltop. I’m not down with animals being held in captivity, especially when it comes to elephants shacking up in a city, but it is clear that this zoo has its merits:

As the go-to place for the young families of ‘Egoli’, and evidently, two unknowing travellers, the spacious Zoo grounds are buzzing with excited kids. For many, it seems this is their first experience with a non-human mammal larger than themselves, and their faces show it! There are people galore. Check all these cars, and that’s just a third of the car park. The second third is behind the camera and the final third spills over into the residential roads. How come it’s part of the car park then? Yeah, good question, thanks. Ask the savvy car guards who demand a crisp, elephanty, twenty bucks as the going rate for a sidewalk park. Whatever happened to a shiny coin and a loosie? Not in Joburg, bra.

So the kids are happy (they’re not paying!), but the animals though, they’re not as stoked. Maybe too many a public holiday has happened and they’re gatvol of the children’s’ shrieks and squeals. Like the lions, they have just disappeared. Seriously, they were “off display” due to a power failure. The kings of the jungle won’t put up with Eskom’s soggy coal piles. Or, maybe they don’t have a choice? #hologram. Na, they must be real. But you see what I mean: in Jozi, anything is possible…

We thought we’d check out the up-and-coming Braamfontein downtown. The young folk here are raving about it; best place to find great coffee, great music, great art (and skinny jeans?). After a little poke around Braam by car, even venturing forth into New Town (the reality of driving in Joburg CBD without a Panzer tank was addictive), I can see what guys mean. I can’t vouch for it, though. You’ll have to wait until next I’m back there with a few hours to spare. Enough Jozi, time for some N3!

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